It could only happen in the 21st century, but a recent poll from the Annenberg Foundation’s Digital Future Report found a 40% increase in family members feeling ignored because of other family members’ Internet use.  And this is happening during the biggest explosion of on-line social networking.  People are adding friends by the dozens to their online life, while ignoring the real people around them in their family.  According to the report, the percentage of people who say they ignore other family members has nearly tripled from 11% in 2006 to 28% in 2008.  Shared family time fell 30% from 26 hours a month to 17.9 hours.  Parents aren’t the only ones spending time online, concerns that kids are spending too much time online have risen from 11% in 2000, to 28% in 2008.

So we’ve got adults ignoring their partners and children, and kids who are ignoring their parents and siblings!  Sounds like a rooming house instead of a home.  Families are the crucibles where adults and children learn how to give and receive love, kindness, trust, support, joy, and work through anger, loss, and embarrassment, to just name a few.  The tangibles of family life – food, shelter, etc. are just structures we can build anywhere. The real function of families, which come in all sizes and shapes, is to serve as the emotional cradle…the place where children learn how to emotionally relate to other people and adults can continue to grow emotionally and live an authentic human life.

At a recent talk a state patrol officer related an observation: the new recruits coming on to the force were young and smart, but many lacked the ability to read social cues.  They just didn’t have the ability to “read” other people. Some professionals who work with kids report the same phenomena.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, read and manage emotions.  Does out of balance Internet use interfere developing an Emotional IQ?  I think so.  Learning to deal with real emotions requires living, working and playing with real people.  Online interactions, friends and support groups are important and supportive for many.  Online  game playing can be fun. When they become more important over time then the real people we live with, families will suffer.

Check out the National Institute on Media and the Family’s free MediaWise Guides on the risks and rewards of social networking as well as our guide on video game addiction for tips and information on Internet use.

Do you ever feel ignored in your family because of someone’s Internet use?

-Dr. Dave