This isn’t to say that young people aren’t a product of a unique digital age. Right now, more then ever, the media universe is expanding for young people and adults alike. No matter which way you cut the data, young people spend more time consuming media than any other activity except for sleeping. Which means that we better play close attention to the powerful role of screens in all of our lives.

Perhaps most importantly, the Nielson report reminds us that the ‘digital divide’ separating adults and media-savvy teens may not be as wide or as difficult to cross as we think it is. Teens may be multi-media communicators and professional multi-taskers, but on average, their media choices are not always as far afield as it sometimes feels. So if you feel like a digital immigrant in a world of young digital natives, remember that at the end of the day, there are plenty of ways find a common language.

Five tips for crossing the digital divide:

1. Don’t be intimidated by emerging technologies. Many young people learn by exploring and trying out new media. Give it a try yourself! Ask a young person to teach you.

2. Keep the lines of communication open. Make sure to have conversations with young people in your life about what they are watching, playing, and listening to. Ask specific questions and engage in thoughtful conversation.

3. Host a family game night. Pick age appropriate games and play together as a family. Let your kids invite their friends!

4. Steer your kids towards sites, activities, and tools that fit their interests and your family’s values. Complement screen time with time ‘off line.’ For example, practice your soccer moves online and then go outside to see if you can do the real thing!

5. Keep things in balance – set limits on screen time and stick to them. For example, create “media free zones” during certain times like family dinner so that you have time to talk and connect with one another.

Since getting the Blackberry, I can’t figure out why I waited so long, but it also has been interesting to reflect and observe my own behavior pattern shift and also how my use of technology affects those I live and work with face to face.

What I noticed, and others told me, was that my ability to attend shifts when I have the Blackberry in my hand. I might be sitting in a meeting, but if I am attending to answering, sending a message or managing my calendar, my brain is not focused on the people or the task at hand. In this fast paced world we certainly can learn to multi-task, but we can only really use our focused attention on one task at a time.

A world of news, information, people and contacts almost pulses through our Blackberries and computers – there’s a whole exciting world to keep up with. But we lose the opportunity for real engagement when we shift our attention from the real people we live and work with to our screens. Our brains are hard-wired to attend to movement and sound, so the impulse to check our screens is very strong. When the screen is in your hand, the impulse is even stronger. Knowing that my attention can quickly shift to my screen away from the real people around me, I have learned that I need to leave my Blackberry in my pocket when I am engaged in conversation with people at work and stash it away when it’s time for conversation and dinner at home.

Our kids need to learn the same lessons – learning to balance technology and real time relationships is key in a world where our attention can be quickly fragmented.

How do you help your kids manage time spent on their screens and real time relationships?

-Dr. Dave

So we’ve got adults ignoring their partners and children, and kids who are ignoring their parents and siblings!  Sounds like a rooming house instead of a home.  Families are the crucibles where adults and children learn how to give and receive love, kindness, trust, support, joy, and work through anger, loss, and embarrassment, to just name a few.  The tangibles of family life – food, shelter, etc. are just structures we can build anywhere. The real function of families, which come in all sizes and shapes, is to serve as the emotional cradle…the place where children learn how to emotionally relate to other people and adults can continue to grow emotionally and live an authentic human life.

At a recent talk a state patrol officer related an observation: the new recruits coming on to the force were young and smart, but many lacked the ability to read social cues.  They just didn’t have the ability to “read” other people. Some professionals who work with kids report the same phenomena.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, read and manage emotions.  Does out of balance Internet use interfere developing an Emotional IQ?  I think so.  Learning to deal with real emotions requires living, working and playing with real people.  Online interactions, friends and support groups are important and supportive for many.  Online  game playing can be fun. When they become more important over time then the real people we live with, families will suffer.

Check out the National Institute on Media and the Family’s free MediaWise Guides on the risks and rewards of social networking as well as our guide on video game addiction for tips and information on Internet use.

Do you ever feel ignored in your family because of someone’s Internet use?

-Dr. Dave

I got to see, first hand, the digital environment in South Korea – the most wired country in the world. The upside was that through wireless technology and your cell phone, information is available anywhere, anytime, anyplace. The downside was how to keep the real world and the digital world in balance.  The unbalance world is video game addiction or people walking down the street always looking down at their computer and never seeing the real people who pass them by or a family at home, but not ever together.

A PBS producer comments in Digital Nation that he hopes that our impulse to be human is so intrinsic to who we are that we will never loose our core human values and that we will be able to cope and manage this new world.  At the National Institute on Media and the Family we believe that who we are is wired into our brains a great deal from our experiences.  The parent’s job has never been more important.  From birth our children are wiring in the people they will become. The digital world is intrinsically powerful and enticing – our brains are hard wired to seek novelty, stimulation and to learn.  It’s what’s kept us going as a species for thousands of years.

We can control our environment in the digital world, the real world is harder to control.  In this era of “disruptive technology”  – an era where technology profoundly changes everything, we must learn, and teach our children, to live in both worlds.  Core human values, core character traits and how to balance the digital and real world  have to be learned.  The media are powerful.  Our work with   Say Yes to No and MediaWise gives parents and those who love and work with children the  practical strategies to succeed.

How is digital technology changing or challenging your life?

-Dr. Dave