Sometimes you continuously feel like consequences are going up, but your kids don’t seem to care. Tendencies are, you end up asking for a counselor or a therapist’s advice on how to handle both your stress and your parenting. But do not fret because you can start managing things with an easy fix. You have to learn how to maintain an appropriate and calm response to the children.
Decision-Making For Consequences Or Penalty
“There is an ongoing debate about whether or not teenagerhood is a cultural phenomenon or whether it is a description of a transformation that occurs mentally and emotionally during adolescence.” Richard Zwolinski, LMHC said. When it comes to calm parenting, the consequences you feel are more likely to get bigger. That means you get emotionally involved as a parent. So when you try to give kids consequences, you need to take note that all individuals involved in the situation should go back to emotional zero. That is because when negative behavior occurs, you can quickly signal kids to take a break or a timeout. With that, when you go and come back from a brain-break to give kids consequences, you are going to be in a place where you can feel and become neutral. There is a need to master the art of responding to kids’ misbehavior in a more calm yet expressive way. No, you don’t have to yell at them at all times. But it doesn’t mean you don’t have to either. As a parent, sometimes it is okay to release an outburst. That is especially when you are no longer capable of controlling emotions. However, you have to put in mind that constant meltdowns in front of the kids will not help you. So be mindful always of measuring your kids’ capability to understand you as a parent. “Assure that BOTH you and your child are calm when speaking about behaviors. Convey understanding of their feelings and ask them what they think will help them to manage their emotions. Communicating while calm always results in more successful plans.” Barb Roba, LMCH said.
How To Do It
One of the most accessible systems is to prepare the consequences ahead of time. There should have to be a creation of minor and significant lists that your children can follow no matter what. Some of the lesser consequences include kids’ being disrespectful in front of the table, disobeying simple rules such as not washing the dishes, or not going to bed early every time it is needed. Major ones are more like higher levels of disrespect. These include addressing curfew issues, hitting a sibling, or engaging in lousy influence peers. With these kinds of instances, you should be able to know what types of penalty is applicable. So once you know what the appropriate consequences are and everyone calmly agrees to it, make a clear deliverance of all of it.
Since a lot of kids do not entirely understand a significant emotional response, they tend to move on quickly. With that, it frustrates parents because they somehow think that children are not taking them seriously. But the truth is, when adults are in a neutral state, it is more likely that they are going to build practical consequences. That is because parents will not be able to rely only on emotional response, but instead taking sides of critical thinking as well. So, when kids continue to create simple to more complicated mistakes, it becomes easier for parents like you to control the children by allowing them to know the consequences of their actions.
The Struggle
As a parent, it is not that easy to handle children calmly. You can’t just enforce them to do the things you want them to do. It is also emotionally and mentally impossible to instantly remove their privilege just because you don’t agree with their actions. However, it is essential to note that handling kids require tons of patience. You have to find a balance between how to be a friend and how to become a parent. Take note that exaggerations can hurt both you and your children. So the only thing you can consider is taking each consequence or penalty into a considerate mode.
Things To Ponder
Honestly, there is no right method of proper parenting. It all depends on the parents and children’s environment, social understanding, and intellectual capability. And imposing a penalty or consequences to children is the situation where things can escalate quickly. Sometimes, it gets out of control because you are inside conflict at the moment. But always remember one thing; you have to be firm in your decisions no matter what. It is the only way you can build a strong and calming parenting technique that you and your kids will both follow. But if you already tried all these things such as being neutral in decision-making and using an agreed-upon consequence, but feel like things are not changing, then it is the time that you should consider seeking out for professional help. Remember, “A certain amount of change is a normal part of the transition. However, really drastic or long-lasting changes in personality or behavior may be a sign of trouble and indicate a need for professional help.” Bella Stitt, LMFT explains.