Children will always be children. They will act impulsively, behave incoherently, and respond improperly. But that is how they are. These kids are on the verge of learning things without judgment. So for us parents, we have to ensure that we take full responsibility in understanding their thoughts and feelings. With that, we have to set our parenting styles the way it fits the children’s needs. But how can we know if our parenting method appears weak and damaging to our children?
When Things Become All About The Rules
Parenting requires setting up rules. “It’s important to ensure your parenting style is supporting healthy growth and development because the way you interact with your child and how you discipline her will influence her for the rest of her life.” Amy Morin, LCSW said. It is part of the idea of authority in place. However, the style becomes damaging when we focus only on what is in it for us. Meaning, there is no consideration at all, and kids are not allowed to feel anything because rules are rules. In this case, there is a tendency that children will never show their emotions openly. There are some cases; they will avoid telling what they think and how they feel due to their commitment to the rules. Honestly, rules are okay. It helps kids realize that there are regulations and restrictions to follow. However, it becomes damaging when we, parents, focus too much on it without considering emotional and mental torture at some point.
When We Have No Guts To Say “No”
“You may have done everything right. You may have tried your best to instill the right values, morals and faith. Your kid’s challenging but that doesn’t mean failure on your part.” Allison Ricciardi, LMHC said. Some parents spoil their kids. Perhaps that is because they want to and they can afford to provide everything. But for some of us, there are limitations to what we can give our kids. With that, we tend to believe that saying “yes” will equivalent our incapability to provide them with what they want. However, that kind of parenting is way too damaging not only for the kids but to us parents as well. When we often say yes and we have no guts to say no to our kids, we are allowing them to look at us indifferently. That instead of showing them what parents should be, we become the reason why they will feel entitled to get everything without even trying.
When Kids Do Not Listen
According to Evan Kimble, LMHC Evan Kimble, LMHC, “In order to figure out what they value, many teens actively reject their parents and their parent’s values.” Some kids will never listen, but it does not mean they do not respect. Some kids will value their worth because their parents show them their importance. But for those of us who think everything falls in place, we get caught up in a situation where the kids held us hostage. The truth is, some of us feel that we are doing the best for our kids. But honestly, there is no consistency to that. When our kids do not intend to listen to what we say, there is entirely something wrong with the way we handle them.
We might never know if we are providing our kids with the right emotional and mental nourishment. We can never tell whether our parenting style is excellent or not. What we can only hold unto is the fact that we, parents, also need to learn continuously. We are not perfect; that is why we need to evaluate ourselves and improve.