When you are a parent, you need to have confidence in how you discipline your children. It is vital that you are sure of your ways and how they are going to help their welfare. However, at some point, there is going to be a question in your head whether you are doing the right thing or not. According to a clinical psychologist, you are raising your children well if they are opening up to you, but what if they don’t? Does that mean you are too strict or too lenient?
Just the other day, I was working on a PowerPoint I needed to share at a parenting seminar. Then I had to take an urgent call, so I left the computer and went to the patio to get some fresh air at the same time. I can see my workplace from where I was standing, and I saw my eldest, 9, doing something on the computer, but I didn’t mind him because I was confident he wouldn’t do anything careless.
After an hour, I had my coffee and did other stuff. I looked at my workplace if my son was still there, and he wasn’t. I then sat down on my chair and looked at the screen. To my surprise, there was an unsaved Notepad written by my son, and this is what he said:
“Suggestion: Some parents take it way too far like they say no dust should be found, no untidy room, no walking mad or stomping, but the stricter the parents are, the more successful the children will be, but parents should let them rest a little bit.”
At first, I thought it was funny. My son even said parents should let their children rest a little bit… Then it made me wonder. Was he thinking about how I discipline them? Was it what he was referring to? What does he mean by I should let them rest a little bit? Is making them clean their own clutters cruel?
Then I Analyzed What He Said, And Here Is What I Have Come Up With:
Perfection | “No Dust Should Be Found.”
Dr. Darla Clayton, PsyD said. “This is another challenging one folks, but worth the work. All kids are different, typical, or with extra challenges and they will grow and develop at their own pace.” I don’t mean to sound like a perfectionist because I know there is no such thing as perfect. What I wanted to convey is that he should do his best to get the best result. It’s like telling him to dream big, because what’s the use of dreaming if you would only hope for things you know you can do. Aim for something that inspires and motivates you until you become the best version of yourself.
Cleanliness | “No Untidy Room.”
Once your child is out of diapers, he should know how to clean his room, pack away his toys, and get rid of the clutters. It is all about teaching him how, and as for my son, I started him young. It wasn’t easy, but he got it eventually. I bought plastic boxes for his toys, and a trash bin for his clutters. I taught him what they are for and how he is going to use them. I educate my children about the importance of cleanliness. How they could avoid getting sick and even become smarter when an untidy and chaotic environment does not surround them. But remember, “Rather than focusing on weaknesses, find ways to assist your child in developing to his or her full potential. When encouraged, children will acquire talents to compensate for any deficiencies.” Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., LMFT explains.
Respect | “No Walking Mad Or Stomping.”
Children shouldn’t always get what they want, especially when it is unnecessary or unhealthy for them, and with my children growing up, I have experienced how they get upset when I tell them, no, and they would walk out and stomp their feet like a brat. For me, that is a sign of disrespect. Yes, they are just expressing how they feel, and that is good, but to do it, that way is unacceptable. Frowning is okay but not stomping or muttering.
What my son expressed made me feel good, knowing I am clear about what they should and should not do. Maybe I need to explain to my children more nicely, so I wouldn’t sound like a heartless mother. As per my son’s last sentence: “Parents should let them rest a little bit.” “When kids are being the most difficult, it is often done in order to get your attention.” Monica Berger LCSW said.
He might have said this because I tend to tell them to do something after the other. Maybe at times, they haven’t even finished the first chore, and I already give them another. I understand this is something for me to work on as I may sometimes forget that they are still children. Sometimes, their “clean” is not clean enough for me. I think, sometimes, it is what most of us, parents, overlook. No matter how we know that our children can do better, they are still children, and as parents, that is the most important thing we need to do – to let them be.