In our early childhood, we are all vulnerable, weak, and incapable of doing many things. We are children who are so fragile that we could get hurt anytime without warning. Everything around us is too much and all people feel mysterious, making our lives out of control and sometimes unmanageable. That is why our need for protection and a hunger for a father figure, in all circumstances, is entirely natural. Perhaps that is because father figures and older men, in general, appear to us as immensely impressive, strong, and capable. It is as if he knows and can do almost anything in life that is beyond astonishing.
However, the paradox of daddy issues tends to differ in all our experiences. The term “daddy issues” was coined because some of us, despite having one around, still feel emotionally and mentally left out especially when it comes to adult relationships. Well, we can’t blame anyone for that. We can never convince people to believe that their degree of emotional and mental problems is not that serious because, at some point, what they feel is valid. Daddy issues are supported by the complexity of sadness, emptiness, and longings, especially in a relationship.
Physically Abusive Father – Daddy issues can come from many forms of emotional and mental abuse. However, the common root of them all is physical abuse. It is a behavior that most of us consider “rightful” because the physically abusive one is the household’s most authoritative individual. Somehow, we justify our father’s hurtful actions because we believe that he is entitled to do that. Whatever damages his physical abuse may bring to our attachment style and overall development, we think that it is okay because he is our dad, after all. Sadly, we take that mentality to adulthood, where we find ourselves acknowledging the behavior. As a result, we allow insecure attachment styles and issues, as well as physical abuse to become physically present in romantic relationships for constant reassurance just because of daddy issues.
Absent Father – There are a lot of reasons why some of us have an absent father. It could be because our mother hates our father so much that she doesn’t want him anywhere near us. Or perhaps it is because of personal instances like our father going to prison or war. Or maybe he just decided that he didn’t want a family, so he vanished. Whatever the reason is, there are tons of it that we can think of. But despite understanding some of the possible situations, daddy issues can still stir up because of the emptiness we feel inside and most times, insecure attachment styles to our relationships. It leads to the creation of an unrealistic fatherly image that we eventually input into our minds. And as we grow up, we stick to that idea.
No-Care-At-All Father – Again, not because our dysfunctional father lives with us under one roof, that does not mean he is capable of fatherhood. Sometimes, there are instances when it is more likely convenient for us if he is not around. That is because of his no-care-at-all attitude that puts us in a different mix of emotions. Of course, it is understandable that some of our life issues, attachment wounds, and poor relationships or broken relationships are ours alone. However, as we grow up, there is a need for a father-image to guide us in every decision we make. When our father complex is disinterested in providing emotional and mental support and is often emotionally unavailable, it damages our overall self-awareness and self esteem, affects healthy relationships, and causes toxic relationships. And as we venture to adulthood, we tend to view ourselves as unworthy of anyone’s attention. Thus, the more we prefer self-isolation. Children who experience insufficient care and attention from their parents are more prone to anxiety and fatigue.
Financially Manipulative Father – For some of us, we see a father as financial support. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it is their sole obligation to ensure that financial problems are well-sorted out. However, things can turn differently when our dad uses that obligation to mark entitlement and power. So whenever he feels angry and aggressive towards us for no reason, forgiveness becomes a must. Though, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t consider that as an option to patch things up with our relationship with your father. But constantly excusing our father from physically, emotionally, and mentally hurting us just because he is the provider is somehow unfair. It can take a toll on our adulthood stage because it can make us think that whoever puts food on the table will hold the powerful spot despite being unsympathetic.
Unloving Father – It is normal for us to long for a father. That explains why we feel the need to search for one whenever we experience an unfortunate situation during dysfunctional relationships. But our daddy issues are not due to a lack of a fatherly image. Instead, it is a consequence of abandonment we feel emotionally. Our need to search for a fatherly image relates to our perception of physically powerful male protection that can also care and love at the same time. Without it, we feel inclined to different patterns of behavior and emotional response. That explains why we secretly yearn for a gentleman to step in and hope to fulfill the attachment styles and unextinguished fantasy role we have about our dad.
A perfect father doesn’t exist. However, there is always this good one who acknowledges his incapability and imperfections despite a complicated relationship. And that is more than enough. If you need help, seek a licensed mental health counselor.
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