In our early childhood, we are all vulnerable, weak, and incapable of doing many things. We are children that are so fragile that they could get hurt anytime without warning. Everything around us is too much and feels mysterious, making our life out of control and sometimes unmanageable. That is why our need for protection and a hunger for a father, in all circumstances, is entirely natural. Perhaps that is because a father appears to us as immensely impressive, strong, and capable. It is as if he knows and can do almost anything that is beyond astonishing.
However, the paradox of daddy issues tends to differ in all our experiences. That is because some of us, despite having one around, still feel emotionally and mentally left out. Well, we can’t blame anyone for that. We can never convince people to believe that their degree of emotional and mental issues is not that serious because, at some point, what they feel is valid. It gets supported by the complexity of sadness, emptiness, and longings.
Physically Abusive Father – A daddy issue can come from many forms of emotional and mental abuse. However, the common root of them all is physical abuse. It is a behavior that most of us consider “rightful” because the physically abusive one is the household’s most authoritative individual. Somehow, we justify our father’s hurtful actions because we believe that he is entitled to do that. Whatever damages his physical abuse may bring to our overall development, we think that it is okay because he is our dad, after all. Sadly, we take that mentality to adulthood, where we find ourselves acknowledging the behavior. As a result, we allow physical abuse to become present in our romantic relationships.
Absent Father – There are a lot of reasons why some of us have an absent father. It could be because our mother hates our father that much that she doesn’t want him anywhere near us. Or perhaps it is because of personal instances like our father going to prison or war. Or maybe he just decided that he doesn’t want a family, so he vanished. Whatever the reason is, there are tons of it that we can think of. But despite understanding some of the possible situations, a daddy issue can still stir up because of the emptiness we feel inside. It leads to the creation of an unrealistic fatherly image that we eventually input in our minds. And as we grow up, we stick to that idea.
No-Care-At-All Father – Again, not because our father lives with us in one roof, that does not mean he is capable of fatherhood. Sometimes, there are instances that it is more likely convenient for us if he is not around. That is because of his no-care-at-all attitude that puts us in a different mix of emotions. Of course, it is understandable that some of our life issues are ours alone. However, as we grow up, there is a need for a father-image to guide us in every decision we make. When our father is disinterested in providing emotional and mental support, it damages our overall self-awareness. And as we venture to adulthood, we tend to view ourselves as unworthy of anyone’s attention. Thus, the more we prefer self-isolation.
Financially Manipulative Father – For some of us, we see a father as financial support. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it is their sole obligation to ensure that financial problems are well-sorted out. However, things can turn differently when our dad uses that obligation to mark entitlement and power. So whenever he feels angry and aggressive towards us for no reason, forgiveness becomes a must. Though, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t consider that as an option. But constantly excusing our father from physically, emotionally, mentally hurting us just because he is the provider is somehow unfair. It can take a toll on our adulthood stage because it can make us think that whoever puts food on the table will hold the powerful spot despite being unsympathetic.
Unloving Father – It is normal for us to long for a father. That explains why we feel the need to search for one whenever we experience an unfortunate situation. But our longing is not due to a lack of a fatherly image. Instead, it is a consequence of abandonment we feel emotionally. Our need to search for a fatherly image relates to our perception of a physically powerful male protection that can also care and love at the same time. Without it, we feel inclined to different patterns of behavior and emotional response. That explains why we secretly yearn for a gentleman to step in and hope to fulfill the unextinguished fantasy role we have about our dad.
A perfect father doesn’t exist. However, there is always this good one that acknowledges his incapability and imperfections. And that is more than enough.