When children manifest emotional flare-ups, this could indicate that they have not yet learned the necessary abilities to deal with their emotions like anger, disappointment, and anxiety. Managing serious emotions positively and maturely needs a range of abilities, including problem-solving, regulation of own emotions, impulse control, negotiating, delayed gratification, and conveying their needs and desires to parents and other adults.
Other children, though, could be struggling more with restrictions and obeying rules. They could be rebellious or neglect instructions and attempt to convince the adults to get what they want. You may also see behavioral patterns that seem to emerge at specific times during the day (like in the afternoon) while doing specific tasks (like doing a project). You might also notice that the child gets moody when she’s at home but not when she’s in school or the other way around.
Tantrums and some other types of acting out are frequently typical and even positive aspects of childhood. These are indications that your child is getting freer and more independent – signs that he is testing barriers, learning skills, and discovering his surroundings.
However, when your child is always acting out, it can strain your relationship with him, provoking constant bitterness and disappointment that is unhealthy for the entire family.
Outbursts Could Be Learned Responses
Some parents think that their child’s tantrums and other kinds of problem behavior are devious and deliberate. But experts who focus on children’s issues agree that these behaviors are not commonly voluntary but might be what we call a learned behavior. This implies that children discover that acting out will get them what they want.
To put it another way, a child who has trouble controlling her feelings may not be deliberately acting out. Still, he could think about doing so because he has not yet learned a more practical and healthy way of conveying his needs and solving his problems effectively. Kind parents often react to tantrums by struggling to fix the cause of the problem, and they do this by consoling their child or simply giving him whatever he is asking for. Sadly, this aggravates the rebellious behavior, encouraging their child to continue acting out. Consequently, they do not develop better strategies that can help them deal with their feelings.
How To Respond
When children present with an outburst, parents sometimes feel incapable. As a parent, you might have attempted to use various discipline styles, but they were ineffective. In fact, trying out numerous techniques for dealing with problem behavior can often worsen the problem, as children react better to strict boundaries that are persistently applied. If you have not seen an improvement, do not be frustrated, as parents are stronger than they think when children are rebellious. Using techniques and mechanisms based on counselors and psychologists’ recommendations, you can start helping your child improve their behavior and, ultimately, your relationship with your child.
You can respond at the moment by:
- Keeping Calm. Insensitive responses are inclined to intensify your child’s aggressive behavior, whether it is physical or verbal.
- Not Giving Up. Fight the temptation of ending your child’s outburst by giving him what he wants when she acts out. Surrendering to your child and the behavior will make him realize that his behavior is effective.
- Wait For It To Pacify. Do not try to talk to your child when he is still angry. You want to encourage him to learn how to negotiate when he’s not irate and exploding.
- Use Penalties Consistently. Your beloved kid has to learn more about the penalties or consequences for bad behavior, like face the wall and rewards for good behavior, like more time with gadgets. More importantly, be consistent by always following through.
Focusing On Specific Behaviors
If you are attempting to deal with unpleasant behavior, it is beneficial to recognize certain behaviors you want to modify or encourage. It is a fact that when a family feels overwhelmed, often, it feels like interactions become a struggle. But targeting behaviors is a critical initial step to efficient discipline.
Possible Triggers To Avoid
These behaviors often result in disobedience:
- Inquiring brisk questions or providing a sequence of instructions: This avoids the possibility that kids will listen, recall tasks, answer questions, and do what they are told to.
- Yelling at your child to tell them what to do: Give instructions face-to-face. When you call them out from a distance, they will most probably not understand and remember the task you want them to do.
- Making a transition without a heads-up: Transitions may be tough for children, especially if they are doing something that they are enjoying. When they are warned about it ahead of time, they have a chance to stop and think about it, making the transition less daunting.
Possible Triggers To Acknowledge
These behaviors often encourage obedience and compliance:
- Giving a heads-up when transitioning: As much as possible, prepare your child for a forthcoming transition. For instance, give him ten minutes to be at the table for dinner or on his desk for homework.
- Being clear with your expectations: Be concise about what you expect from your child. You might think that your child should know your expectations, but clarifying what you really want will help neutralize or reduce mix-ups and confusion in the long term.
- Giving your child a choice: As your child grows up, they must have an opinion about their daily routine and schedule. You can ask him if he would prefer eating dinner before taking a shower or vice versa. Giving them a voice can tremendously help empower your child and encourage him to become more confident and free.