Category: Parenting Challenges

Sometimes you continuously feel like consequences are going up, but your kids don’t seem to care. Tendencies are, you end up asking for a counselor or a therapist’s advice on how to handle both your stress and your parenting. But do not fret because you can start managing things with an easy fix. You have to learn how to maintain an appropriate and calm response to the children.

Decision-Making For Consequences Or Penalty

“There is an ongoing debate about whether or not teenagerhood is a cultural phenomenon or whether it is a description of a transformation that occurs mentally and emotionally during adolescence.”  Richard Zwolinski, LMHC said. When it comes to calm parenting, the consequences you feel are more likely to get bigger. That means you get emotionally involved as a parent. So when you try to give kids consequences, you need to take note that all individuals involved in the situation should go back to emotional zero. That is because when negative behavior occurs, you can quickly signal kids to take a break or a timeout. With that, when you go and come back from a brain-break to give kids consequences, you are going to be in a place where you can feel and become neutral. There is a need to master the art of responding to kids’ misbehavior in a more calm yet expressive way. No, you don’t have to yell at them at all times. But it doesn’t mean you don’t have to either. As a parent, sometimes it is okay to release an outburst. That is especially when you are no longer capable of controlling emotions. However, you have to put in mind that constant meltdowns in front of the kids will not help you. So be mindful always of measuring your kids’ capability to understand you as a parent. “Assure that BOTH you and your child are calm when speaking about behaviors. Convey understanding of their feelings and ask them what they think will help them to manage their emotions. Communicating while calm always results in more successful plans.” Barb Roba, LMCH said.

How To Do It

One of the most accessible systems is to prepare the consequences ahead of time. There should have to be a creation of minor and significant lists that your children can follow no matter what. Some of the lesser consequences include kids’ being disrespectful in front of the table, disobeying simple rules such as not washing the dishes, or not going to bed early every time it is needed. Major ones are more like higher levels of disrespect. These include addressing curfew issues, hitting a sibling, or engaging in lousy influence peers. With these kinds of instances, you should be able to know what types of penalty is applicable. So once you know what the appropriate consequences are and everyone calmly agrees to it, make a clear deliverance of all of it.

Since a lot of kids do not entirely understand a significant emotional response, they tend to move on quickly. With that, it frustrates parents because they somehow think that children are not taking them seriously. But the truth is, when adults are in a neutral state, it is more likely that they are going to build practical consequences. That is because parents will not be able to rely only on emotional response, but instead taking sides of critical thinking as well. So, when kids continue to create simple to more complicated mistakes, it becomes easier for parents like you to control the children by allowing them to know the consequences of their actions.

The Struggle

As a parent, it is not that easy to handle children calmly. You can’t just enforce them to do the things you want them to do. It is also emotionally and mentally impossible to instantly remove their privilege just because you don’t agree with their actions. However, it is essential to note that handling kids require tons of patience. You have to find a balance between how to be a friend and how to become a parent. Take note that exaggerations can hurt both you and your children. So the only thing you can consider is taking each consequence or penalty into a considerate mode.

Things To Ponder

Honestly, there is no right method of proper parenting. It all depends on the parents and children’s environment, social understanding, and intellectual capability. And imposing a penalty or consequences to children is the situation where things can escalate quickly. Sometimes, it gets out of control because you are inside conflict at the moment. But always remember one thing; you have to be firm in your decisions no matter what. It is the only way you can build a strong and calming parenting technique that you and your kids will both follow. But if you already tried all these things such as being neutral in decision-making and using an agreed-upon consequence, but feel like things are not changing, then it is the time that you should consider seeking out for professional help. Remember, “A certain amount of change is a normal part of the transition. However, really drastic or long-lasting changes in personality or behavior may be a sign of trouble and indicate a need for professional help.” Bella Stitt, LMFT explains.

 

As a parent, it is only normal for you to want all the best things for your child. For sure, you want him to grow up as a responsible member of society. At the same time, you also aim to make him healthy at all times. However, not every parent knows this, but there are two aspects that you must look into when it comes to this matter. As must as possible, focus on improving your child’s physical as well as mental health. “You know your child best. If something just doesn’t feel right, trust that instinct. It’s better to go and get something checked out if you’re not sure.” A reminder from Kristen Eastman, PsyD.

 

In this article, we are going to give attention to the latter concern. Every parent needs to see the significance of helping his child to have improved mental health. Take note that there is an increasing number of children and teens who have committed suicide because of different reasons. As such, it is now your responsibility to see to it that your child does not fall a victim of depression, anxiety, and stress. It is crucial for you to exert efforts in doing these things:

 

Be Hands On In Taking Good Care Of Him

 

The first thing that you need to consider is to be extra-hands on when it comes to raising your child. Do not leave everything to the baby sitter. There is no excuse for not being there for your child, especially when he needs you the most. Take note that living your little one under the care of another person is not ideal, as it can be an indication of abandonment on his part. Of course, you are probably too busy with your business and work, but still, you must only leave your child with a baby sitter as a last option.

 

Make Him Feel Loved And Accepted

 

Every person has different ways of showing love and affection. As a parent, it is your primary objective to do this remarkably. As much as possible, never let your child feel that he is neglected. Give him enough time to feel that you genuinely care for him, regardless of your hectic schedule. At the same time, you must always remind him that you accept everything about him. Do not try to change him into someone that he is not. This also means that you must never compare him to others. “Examine your expectations based on your own childhood and adjust as needed.” Cynthia Ridgway, MA, LMHC, NCC, DCC said.

 

 

Listen To Him

 

One of the common mistakes of parents is pressuring their child to become someone that they are not. At the same time, there are also some parents who continue to ignore their children’s predicaments. Be sure to avoid being one of these individuals if you want your child’s mental health to be in good condition. Keep in mind that the continuous act of ignoring your child’s pleas or concerns can send him a signal that you no longer care for him. If this continues to happen, he may seek refuge or relief from other people who may have a bad influence over him.

 

Moreover, it can also increase negative emotions on his part. As such, the right thing to do is to talk to him now and then. Make him feel that you are interested in whatever he has to say.

 

Avoid Fighting With Your Spouse

 

“Experts agree that if parents cannot control their anger in front of their children, those children will likely experience adjustment problems.” Tiffany Lowther, MA, LMHC said. Never let your child see that you are in a fight or argument with your spouse. Remember that what you do can influence his behavior and mindset. Because of this, you must aim to become a role model for your little one. What you must do is to show love and affection for everyone in the family so that your child will also grow up doing the same. Never make the mistake of arguing with your husband when your child is around. Instead, show him that there are different ways on how to handle the issues.

 

 

Conclusion

 

Whether you like it or not, the truth is that you are responsible for the wellbeing of your child. His mental stability depends on how you plan to raise him. Do not worry because you can always ask for help and support from everyone surrounding you. Always be willing to accept assistance from a relative, family or your friends. Make this a top priority so that your child will become healthy – physically and mentally. Choose to do the right things.

 

I love my children so much more than anything in the world, but I’m not going to lie about how I hate parenting. I know it is part of my job to take care of my children, so I don’t have to complain. But all the exhaustion, agitation, anxiety, and depression that goes along with the process of parenthood is way too much too handle.

• “You may have done everything right. You may have tried your best to instill the right values, morals and faith. Your kid’s challenging but that doesn’t mean failure on your part.”  Allison Ricciardi, LMHC said. No matter how tired you are, how toxic your work is, and you don’t feel well at all, you don’t instantly remove yourself from all the things you have to do. Parenting is a never-ending responsibility that won’t allow you to stop. And despite the help that technological advancement can give, your children will still require you to do something no matter what.

• It’s not a secret that once you get to experience having kids, you become their full support. That includes eating all their leftovers. Therefore, parenting makes you involuntarily fat. Don’t get me wrong, the idea of eating the sweet stuff is not that worst. However, the aftermath is what makes it more undesirable. And exercise? You can probably forget about it. But if you happen to find time inserting it in your schedule, might as well work on it asap. “what’s more important than the quantity of time you spend with your kids is the quality of the time you do have together.” That is what Francyne Zeltser, Psy.D. used to say.

 

• As a parent, we always ensure to pull out the essentials of our kids. Therefore, we have to provide for the things that they need. Though not all parents are alike, most of us still end up broke. Not that we have to complain about it because it’s part of our duty as the kids’ provider. But sometimes, it gets too unfair because there’s nothing left for us and everything becomes all about them.

• Parenting is a non-stop job that takes away your love for sleep. Well, not literally, but it does make you consider not to think about it most of the time. It always feels like a thing that you’ll never get to use anymore. Fortunately, you can always find time to choose it over the other not-so-important stuff that you need to do. Of course, on a limited allowable time.

 

• Parenthood comes with restrictions. Therefore, you are not allowed to drink and have fun with friends inside or outside the house. You are the role model for your kids. You don’t want them to see or think that you’re jugging all those beers while dancing awkwardly. Even if you are given the opportunity to do that nowadays, your alcohol tolerance already dropped a couple of levels.

• Being a parent, you don’t instantly lose all the anxiety about the world. That’s because everything about it scares you. No, you don’t feel scared for yourself, but for your children. Everything that may seem to harm them becomes your worst nightmare. From there, the depression and anxiety never stop. In some unfortunate events, it causes sleepless nights and even panic attacks. “You’re likely feeling doubtful, overwhelmed and more than a little worried about your child’s future and your own abilities as a parent.” Carrie Sheppard, LMHC said.

There are other things that you can think about when it comes to hating parenthood. However, no one can deny that it is the most fulfilling job a person can accomplish in his entire life.