Say Yes To No

In our early childhood, we are all vulnerable, weak, and incapable of doing many things. We are children who are so fragile that we could get hurt anytime without warning. Everything around us is too much and all people feel mysterious, making our lives out of control and sometimes unmanageable. That is why our need for protection and a hunger for a father figure, in all circumstances, is entirely natural. Perhaps that is because father figures and older men, in general, appear to us as immensely impressive, strong, and capable. It is as if he knows and can do almost anything in life that is beyond astonishing.

However, the paradox of daddy issues tends to differ in all our experiences. The term “daddy issues” was coined because some of us, despite having one around, still feel emotionally and mentally left out especially when it comes to adult relationships. Well, we can’t blame anyone for that. We can never convince people to believe that their degree of emotional and mental problems is not that serious because, at some point, what they feel is valid. Daddy issues are supported by the complexity of sadness, emptiness, and longings, especially in a relationship.

Physically Abusive Father –  Daddy issues can come from many forms of emotional and mental abuse. However, the common root of them all is physical abuse. It is a behavior that most of us consider “rightful” because the physically abusive one is the household’s most authoritative individual. Somehow, we justify our father’s hurtful actions because we believe that he is entitled to do that. Whatever damages his physical abuse may bring to our attachment style and overall development, we think that it is okay because he is our dad, after all. Sadly, we take that mentality to adulthood, where we find ourselves acknowledging the behavior. As a result, we allow insecure attachment styles and issues, as well as physical abuse to become physically present in romantic relationships for constant reassurance just because of daddy issues.

Absent Father – There are a lot of reasons why some of us have an absent father. It could be because our mother hates our father so much that she doesn’t want him anywhere near us. Or perhaps it is because of personal instances like our father going to prison or war. Or maybe he just decided that he didn’t want a family, so he vanished. Whatever the reason is, there are tons of it that we can think of. But despite understanding some of the possible situations, dad issues can still stir up because of the emptiness we feel inside and most times, insecure attachment styles to our relationships. It leads to the creation of an unrealistic fatherly image that we eventually input into our minds. And as we grow up, we stick to that idea.

No-Care-At-All Father – Again, not because our dysfunctional father lives with us under one roof, that does not mean he is capable of fatherhood. Sometimes, there are instances when it is more likely convenient for us if he is not around. That is because of his no-care-at-all attitude that puts us in a different mix of emotions. Of course, it is understandable that some of our life issues, attachment wounds, and poor relationships or broken relationships are ours alone. However, as we grow up, there is a need for a father-image to guide us in every decision we make. When our father complex is disinterested in providing emotional and mental support and is often emotionally unavailable, it damages our overall self-awareness and self esteem, affects healthy relationships, and causes toxic relationships. And as we venture to adulthood, we tend to view ourselves as unworthy of anyone’s attention. Thus, the more we prefer self-isolation. Children who experience insufficient care and attention from their parents are more prone to anxiety and fatigue.

Financially Manipulative Father – For some of us, we see a father as financial support. Honestly, there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it is their sole obligation to ensure that financial problems are well-sorted out. However, things can turn differently when our dad uses that obligation to mark entitlement and power. So whenever he feels angry and aggressive towards us for no reason, forgiveness becomes a must. Though, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t consider that as an option to patch things up with our relationship with your father. But constantly excusing our father from physically, emotionally, and mentally hurting us just because he is the provider is somehow unfair. It can take a toll on our adulthood stage because it can make us think that whoever puts food on the table will hold the powerful spot despite being unsympathetic.

Unloving Father – It is normal for us to long for a father. That explains why we feel the need to search for one whenever we experience an unfortunate situation during dysfunctional relationships. But our daddy issues are not due to a lack of a fatherly image. Instead, it is a consequence of abandonment we feel emotionally. Our need to search for a fatherly image relates to our perception of physically powerful male protection that can also care and love at the same time. Without it, we feel inclined to different patterns of behavior and emotional response. That explains why we secretly yearn for a gentleman to step in and hope to fulfill the attachment styles and unextinguished fantasy role we have about our dad.

A perfect father doesn’t exist. However, there is always this good one who acknowledges his incapability and imperfections despite a complicated relationship. And that is more than enough. If you need help, seek a licensed mental health counselor.

FAQs

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Have you ever asked yourself why you are the type of person you are right now? Well, depending on the household you grew up with, the way you build your character is based on your understanding of things around you. As cliché as it sounds, everything about your personality has something to do with your family’s impact on your childhood.

Source: pixabay.com

Broken Marriage

When you look at your parents together, there is this ideology that they are meant for each other. Unfortunately, that is not often the case. Since divorce rates are skyrocketing, there is a vast chance that you also end up with a broken family. So if your parents separate, especially when you are still young, you might expect more from your relationship when you grow up or struggle with mommy or daddy issues. A broken marriage always impacts your personality. It changes your relationship demands, making you want a higher degree of morality, attention, loyalty, and compassion. Though it may quite seem reasonable, it takes a toll over time. It makes you less likely to trust other people, making you more doubtful and confused in a relationship.

Overly Attached Parents

It is usual for parents to show their love and affection through constant concerns. But when your parents are overly attached to you, there is a tendency that you may grow up codependent. That is because you get used to your family doing almost everything for you. Yes, they may mean well as they believe that what they are doing is always what is best for you. However, this particular practice has harmful side effects. You would more likely to grow up unable to make decisions for your own. You will experience a troubled life as an adult because you become more reliant with people. You will have more problems adapting to simple work life.

Source: pixabay.com

Authoritarian Parenting

As a child, you believe that parents always know best. That is why you tend to follow and listen to their commands. However, when your parents are more authoritarian, it leads to damaging effects. When you grow up with parents who make all the decisions for you without considering your feelings, you develop mental illness. Usually, anxiety and depression come in because this type of parenting experience can make you assume that you are not competent enough to do things on your own. Often, your parents that do not listen to you and force you to do something that makes you unhappy results in having feelings of worthlessness. It also feeds your low-self-esteem, which follows you through adulthood.

Noisy And Loud Household

Contrary to what other people think, a noisy household does not promote a better family relationship. It does not, at any cost, represent better communication. When you and your family are regularly on this crack of expressing yourselves through frequent arguments, it does not guarantee an improved understanding. Typically, this type of family relationship impacts you as you grow older. When everybody in the family focuses on expressing themselves without listening to others’ opinions, it creates chaos. There is a tendency that this type of communication results in self-centeredness and close-mindedness.

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Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse in the family is a discreet problem. No one can determine whether you are experiencing it in your home. Unfortunately, an emotionally abusive family relationship among you, your parents, and siblings often end up in negative adjustments. When you grow up in a household full of hostility, there is a tendency that you will apply those undesirable traits to your wife or husband and kids. That is because emotional abuse tends to alter the way you see things. It makes you dwell on the cynical perspective that getting emotionally hurt is somehow okay. And as you deal with other people, you will stick to the idea that emotions are the only core of every decision-making, which is unlikely near the truth.

Physical Punishment

Some people understand that it is illegal to spank a child because it is seen as physical abuse. It creates harmful side effects, depending on the severity of the damage. Usually, it ranges from emotional, physical, and mental disabilities. When your parents often try to influence your behavior by imposing physical punishment, things can sometimes go either good or bad. It may cause you to become more resilient, inconsiderate, and unpredictable. But at some point, it can also teach you discipline, perseverance, and endurance. Physical punishment is not all wrong. However, depending on how your parents will impose, it is a different story.

Source: pixabay.com

Insight

Your personality is not from the combination of good and bad traits you want to have. You are you because of your environment, social connection, and upbringing. But it is also important to note that whether good or bad personality, only you can make up your mind and decide which traits should stay and which ones should be removed.

 

 

As the COVID-19 pandemic continues to shift everybody’s lives, your children must have many questions for you. And as a parent, you want to keep your children involved and informed at all times so they wouldn’t feel left out in the conversation. But it can be hard to find the right balance of giving information and overwhelming them with the truth. So how can you talk with your children about the recent pandemic? Here are some tips you can use.

Talk To Your Children Calmly And Reassuringly

According to Jacqueline Sperling, Ph.D., “It is important to model calmness when talking about the virus. Children will look to you to see how afraid they should be.” Therefore, if you’re trying to speak to them on why they can’t go outside and need to take precautions during this time, do it calmly and with a composed attitude. 

Explain to your children that young people like them are less likely to catch the virus. Reassure them that this situation is only temporary and that many professionals are working hard to help get people’s lives back to normal. Make them feel safe and notify them that the people they care about are safe, too, since children tend to worry more about others than themselves.

Be Truthful And Allow Them To Lead The Discussion

Don’t use complex answers to their questions. As much as possible, make it concise and straightforward so that your children can quickly grasp the information you’re giving them. Too much information can create more fear and anxiety. Only provide honest responses. Your children also deserve to know how they can keep themselves safe, and if any of their loved ones are at risk of getting the virus.

Only provide information that your children asked. Allow them to lead the conversation. It can help you level with their cognitive maturity and avoid giving scary details that they may not be curious about. It’s okay if your children don’t seem interested in the pandemic. Do also prevent yourself from using language that may seem harmful to other races or cultures to avoid generating hate to particular groups of people. 

If there are questions that you don’t know the answer to, then research about it. Go to reliable health organizations’ websites to get facts like the World Health Organization (WHO) and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). 

Give Them Responsibility 

Giving your children power and responsibility allows them to do better and make decisions that are beneficial to others. Make them feel in control by providing them specific things to do. For example, inform them that they should wash their hands for 20 seconds or as long as it takes to finish the “Happy Birthday” song twice.

Tell them that they should get lots of sleep, eat healthy meals, and exercise to avoid contracting the disease. Be a good role model and perform these tasks as well.  

You can also inform them why many people seem to be wearing masks and prevent getting physically close together. Tell them that it helps to stop the spread of the virus and that they should practice it. Remind them to clean their devices like cell phones or tablets often or to not cough or sneeze without a mask or handkerchief. And if they have to do so, it’s much better to do it with their elbows.  

Tell Them That It’s Okay Not To Feel Okay 

Tell your children that their emotions are valid and that it’s okay to feel stressed. Starting this conversation early on prevents them from thinking that there’s something wrong about feeling such things, which is not the case. Recognizing these overwhelming emotions and understanding that challenging times will pass can build resilience as they grow older. 

It can help if you make yourself accessible and ask how they often feel so they can open their feelings to you much more relaxed. Some children can easily express how they feel while some don’t. So it will be natural if you continuously check on them and give them space to share their fears. Let them know that they can always come to you for answers and confide when things are getting scary. 

Your children will need your warmth and love, especially at a trying time like this. The following days will be different and hard for all of us as we go through the “new normal.” And as a parent, you, too, have your share of doubts and anxiety. Take care of yourself. You and your family will get through this. Have faith. Use this time to keep your family closer and stronger together. It would also be helpful if you start talking to your child about therapy.

 

Source: commons.wikimedia.org

 

The 2019 Bernie Event was, needless to say, all about the life of Bernie Sanders, the 78-year-old politician, intellectual leader, and popular socialist democrat. Hundreds of supporters, including his family, friends, political allies, and followers were present and just wanted to wish him well after his recent heart surgery. It can be recalled that a few days before his surgery, Bernie told his friends at a campaign event he was in that he didn’t feel well and that his chest was painful. When he was brought to the hospital, it was later discovered that he had a blocked artery; hence, the stent insertion surgery was done. When he faced the public during the event in his honor, he was talking and thankfully in good spirits. The Democratic well-wishers were there to support him and his family, some of which prepared short speeches, mostly hoping that he would soon be in great shape.

Who Is Bernie Sanders?

He is a 78-year-old Brooklyn-born American who now lives and works in Washington. He was a former mayor who then had a seat at Congress in 1990. In 2006, he became a Democratic senator. Finally, in 2016, he was runner-up to Hillary Clinton for Democratic Presidential Primary.

Bernie, The Democratic Socialist

Up until today, being one has no precise definition, but Democratic socialism has become a strong force in the political life of America. Generally speaking, it can be described as within the classification of social democracy and communism, which is also common in Europe. Democratic socialists, as Bernie Sanders is being described, do not agree with the principles of capitalism. This means that they encourage workers to have control over the means of production. Although they can be somehow communistic, they also believe that socialism must be attained democratically.

 

Source: en.wikipedia.org

 

His Student Loan Debt Program

One of Mr. Sanders’ reasons for being popular was his proposal to eliminate the tuition fees of the public university and college students. When Senator Elizabeth Warren pushed to trash this proposal, Mr. Sanders pushed it more by helping introduce the legislation to eliminate all of America’s student debts. He earned praises for this plan and gained more supporters, especially those coming from the education sector, although some analysts were doubtful of the plan’s feasibility.

The Medicare For All Bill

When he became senator, Mr. Sanders then reintroduced his previous Medicare-for-all plan in order to shift America to a single-payer healthcare setup, one where one government-enforced program gives insurance coverage to all citizens of the United States. His plan visualizes a future where every citizen has insurance coverage and will pay nothing from their own pockets when they visit their physician. The Medicare For All Plan consists of a benefits package that is much more unsparing than the rest of the single-payer countries such as Canada, which offers this to their citizens, including employers and employees with new income taxes.

 

Source: thenation.com

 

At a time that Mr. Sanders reintroduced this plan, Democratic representatives and American voters were increasingly supporting a government-run healthcare program. He then introduced his bill with the support of 14 co-sponsors, including his former rival, Elizabeth Warren. What others also refer to as the Sanders Plan also describes the kind of coverage the American people would receive. However, it lacks more detail as to how it would fun quite a generous healthcare benefits package. He instead released a paper that contained a list of financing alternatives, like a different tax rate for ‘extreme wealth.’

“The only way we can win this election and create a government and economy that work for all is with a grassroots movement — the likes of which has never been seen in American history.” – Bernie Sanders

 

 

The 2018 Parenting Summit was a great way to meet other parents like me who are challenged. I have three kids, and I am a proud single parent. My husband died right after I gave birth to our third child, and we miss him every day. Our eldest child, Kayden, looks for him almost every single day. We lost Kamshad in just a few months before the summit. Can you imagine a 25-year-old little lady like me with three kids in tow and no husband?

Continue reading “Single Parent, All Good!”

Some states in the US and other countries enforced curfew laws to specific age groups like teenagers below 18 years old. They are not allowed to stay in public places in certain hours like 10 pm to 6 am the next day, but with some exemptions in cases such as under adult or parents’ supervision. The implemented curfew law was received with different reactions and complains, mostly among youths.  

Continue reading “How Parents Can Help Impose Curfew Laws “

When you are a parent, you need to have confidence in how you discipline your children. It is vital that you are sure of your ways and how they are going to help their welfare. However, at some point, there is going to be a question in your head whether you are doing the right thing or not. According to a clinical psychologist, you are raising your children well if they are opening up to you, but what if they don’t? Does that mean you are too strict or too lenient? Perhaps it’s about time to practice talking to your child about therapy.

Continue reading “Parents Should Let Their Children Rest A Little Bit”

Being a parent is a challenging role to play. Often, you doubt yourself if you are doing the right thing to raise your children. You are not sure whether you should be strict or cool. You love your children, and you want them to love you, but sometimes, it is just impossible because there are particular rules that you need to implement which make them hate you. 

If you are one of those parents who are strict and worried that they might be doing parenting wrong, then take a deep breath and relax. You should be praising yourself and tapping yourself on the back because you are more likely to raise responsible and successful children. 
Continue reading “Strict Parents Are More Likely To Raise Successful Children “

I know a lot of people will agree with me when I say parents nowadays are full of crap. That because they experienced having kids, they automatically assume they know everything about parenting. Some of them persuade themselves that they are good enough because they thought they learned things the hard way. With that, there is no point in telling them what to do. That is especially when you, yourself, do not have any child. It is as if you have no right to make a comment or suggestion about their parenting styles because you are not qualified to say anything to them. And even if you are right, your words will never mean a thing. These individuals validate their parenting skills because of the circumstance that it is their children, not yours. Continue reading “Parents Make Mistakes Too (There Are No Exemptions)”